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Every Part of this Post is a Lie 
16th-Jan-2008 06:54 am
A paradox can’t be true, and can’t be false, but has to be real, you understand? It has to be. Paradox is a necessity. You wouldn’t want to live in a world where everything is just true or false.

You know that story about people sealed in building foundations talking to each other late at night? I’ve got this… guy who swears he’s worked out the language they speak. He says they’re all, and I mean all, talking about the Writer’s Guild strike.

Forget the Bible, the Torah and all the rest. You can read the real story of how the Earth was created in the numerical codes on the bottom of Uncle Toby’s cereal packets. Thing is, though, I snuck into the factory a while back, and they don’t print those numbers during manufacture. Someone’s adding them after they ship.

Ritually consuming gaff tape protects you against spells that target your relationships. It tastes about as good as you’d expect, though.

The infected in I am Legend were all CGI - except the rats. There’s a family in Queens who breed those creepy little bastards.

The Gympie Pyramid was built by an Italian phobomancer back in colonial times. It’s what makes Australians afraid of the bush. You can’t get to it to dismantle it, though, because Telstra owns the land, and they take… steps… to prevent trespassing.

The Dalai Lama is a fake! Seriously, that guy you see on TV is an actor – he’s been playing the part since 1972. The real deal runs a video store in downtown Auckland, and he’s got a selection of French New Wave you wouldn’t believe.

That little burst of static you hear when you’ve got a radio playing and your mobile rings – that’s a prayer. A phonehead mate of mine spent a month translating one, and she said it was a plea to some old Finnish god. She’s still not sure whether it was the phone or the radio praying.

Some duke or other has been posting videos of actual, honest-to-shit rituals on YouTube. The Sleepers don’t know who’s doing it, but they’ve offered a year’s immunity to whoever shuts them down. Still… I don’t know. There’s a lot to be learned from this guy, if we let him keep going.
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